The Deck of Rogues: Karaoke Night
by SkyLarkTurner
Summary: What happens when the Rogues take a night off? They take over a karaoke bar, of course! Anything can happen with enough alcohol and a microphone!R&R Please! Complete!
1. Harley's Happy Ending

**Deck of Rogues: Karaoke Night**

**By: **Sky Lark Turner

(A continuation of The Deck of Rogues Series)

**Summary:** What happens when the Rogues take a night off? They take over a karaoke bar, of course! Anything can happen with enough alcohol and a microphone!

**Rated: **K+ - for mild language and a pinch of adult content

**Genre: **Humor

**Disclaimer: **Joker: Who came up with the idea of a karaoke night out, anyway?

Vampyra: Who came up with the idea of you in the first place?

Joker: Uh, well DC Comics and Warner Bros owns Batman: The Animated Series... And the songs belong to a bunch of talented people that can sing…..

Vampyra: Wow, he actually knows something...

Joker: Yeah, yeah, whatever... On with the booz!

**Part 1: Harley's Happy Ending**

"Sing! Sing!" the Joker cried bouncing up and down at his table. "Oh, come on somebody get up there!"

Vampyra stood up from her chair next to Joker, her usual corseted gown traded for a skintight clubbing outfit, a Bloody Mary in her hand. "Okay, who's first?"

The Rouges looked around at each other. All were scattered across the table of a half empty bar. Before the tables, was a well-lit stage, currently empty and microphone without a speaker.

"Harley!" Joker called. "Sing us a song!"

Harley turned to look at the Joker. She was amidst the Scarecrow, Mad Hatter and Two-Face, all of who had turned from their own tables to talk with the now single Harley.

"Who made you the boss?" Harley sassed back. She had gone solo after Joker had admitted he was till in love with his ex-fiancée, Vampyra.

"Why you little…" Joker scowled at Harley.

"Easy, J," Vampyra leaned on the Joker's shoulder. Her high heels brought her to the same height as his tall frame. "It's our night off, remember?"

"Come on, Harley," Two-Face casually flipped his coin. "Sing us a song…"

"Yeah!" Scarecrow and Mad Hatter chimed in. "Please, Harley?" Soon the rest of the Rogues were cheering for Harley, even Poison Ivy, who shared the table with her.

"Aw, all right," Harley stood in her traditional Harlequin leotard. "Just hold yah horses!" Daintily, she strutted over to the karaoke machine's jukebox o pick out a song, making to a point to press her porcelain face against the glass, and innocently throwing out her curved figure.

For all her child ness, Harley was turning into quiet a femme fatale without the Joker. Her naive virtue gave her a playful edge withal of the men she encountered.

Vampyra looked around at all of her fellow Rogues, who had noticed Harley at the jukebox. She gave Ivy a raised eyebrow, which was returned by an annoyed look, and turned to Harley. "Hey Harley, you may want to pick a song before the boy start drooling on their shoes."

Harley glanced over her shoulder to see almost the entire room staring al her. Even the lone bartender, who had remained at his post despite the odd crowd, was staring as he absent-mindedly cleaned a glass. "Sorry…" she gave an innocent smile and hopped up on stage.

On the background, a woman's voice came along with faint drums and a guitar. "Oh, oh, so much for my happy ending…"

Harley gazed up at the television screen for the words, hand folded behind her back, looking quiet small. In a shy but beautiful alto voice she sang:

"Let's talk this over, it's not like we're dead.

Was it something I did? Was it something you said?

Don't leave me hangin', in a city so dead.

Held up so high, on such a breakable thread.

You were all the things I thought I knew, and I thought we could be…

You were everything, everything, that I wanted.

We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it.

All of our memories so close to me, just fade away…

All this time you were pretendin', so much for my happy endin'

Oh, oh, so much for my happy endin'. Oh, oh…"

Harley put her hand on her hip. More confident, she began to sing out even more.

"You've got you dumb friends, I know what they say…

They tell you I difficult, but so are they…

But they don't know me, do they even know you?

All the thin's you hide from me, all the _shit _tha' yah do

Yah were all the thin's I thought I knew, an' I thought we could be!"

Harley started to dance with her singing and began to sind the song in her usual improper English. Most of the men were cat-calling and hooting, Joker the loudest with a "That's my Pooh!". Vampyra shot Ivy a look, who gave a shrug.

"Yah were everythin'! Everythin'! Tha' I wanted….

We were meant tah be! Supposed tah be! But we lost it…

All of the memories so close tah me, just fade away….

All this time yah were pretendin', so much for my happy endin'!

It's nice tah know tha' yah were there, thanks for actin' like yah cared, an' makin' me feel like I was the only one.

It's nice tah know we had it all, thanks for watchin' as I fall.

An' lettin' me know we were done!

He was everythin', everythin', tha' I wanted…

We were meant tah be supposed tah be! But we lost it…

All of our memories so close tah me, just fade away…

All this time yah were pretendin', so much for my happy endin'!

Oh, oh, so much for my happy endin'!"

Harley bowed as she received a standing ovation from the Rogues. Even Poison Ivy and Vampyra started clapping for their sister in crime.

Harley looked delighted. Her black lips parted in a huge smile as she hopped down from the stage and skipped back to her seat.

"Bartender!" Joker cried to the lone civilian in the entire bar. "Another bottle of Jack!" He tossed an empty Jack Daniel's bottle over his shoulder, letting it shatter on a vacant table.

Next to him, Vampyra had finished her Bloody Mary and was working on a large margarita. "Having fun, J?" she asked as the Joker popped the lid off another Jock Daniel's.

"You kidding?" Joker slung his arm around Vampyra. "This is black mail for the next ten years!"

Vampyra laughed and looked towards the stage.

"It's my turn!" Killer Croc yelled making his way to the jukebox, passing in front of the stage. He was moving slowly from the three bottles of vodka he had downed.

"Back off, Lizard- Man!" the Mad Hatter was up on stage, barely recognizable without his top hat or buttoned trench coat. His large bow tie was undone along with the top few buttons of his high-collared lime green shirt. "It's my turn!"


	2. Almost Mad

**Part 2: Almost Mad**

A toe tapping guitar solo started out and Hatter was swaying to the beat, obviously intoxicated.

"I almost got drunk at school at fourteen, where I almost made out with the homecoming queen.  
Who almost went on to be Miss Gotham, but lost to a slut with much bigger breasts.  
I almost dropped out to move to LA, where I was almost famous for almost a day.

And I almost had you, but I guess that doesn't cut it.  
Almost loved you, I almost wished u would've loved me too."

"Yay, Hatty!" Harley clapped from a front row table, amongst Scarecrow, Riddler and Penguin, all of who were egging the Mad Hatter on.

"I almost held up a grocery store, where I almost did five years and then seven more,  
Cause I almost got popped for a fight with a thug, cause he almost made off with a bunch of the drugs,  
That I almost got hooked on cause you ran away, and I wish I would've had the nerve to ask you to stay.

And I almost had you, but I guess that doesn't cut it  
Almost had you, and I didn't even know it"

"Let's dance!" Joker grabbed Vampyra's wrist and pulled her up.

"What!" Vampyra was suddenly being twirled around in a little jig with the Joker. "J! What are you doing!"

"You kept me guessing and now I'm destined, to spend my time missing you,  
I almost wish you would've loved me too

Here I go thinking about all the things I could've done.  
I'm gonna need a forklift cause all the baggage weighs a ton.  
I know we had our problems I can't remember one.

I almost forgot to say something else, and if I can't fit it in I'll keep it all to myself.  
I almost wrote a song about you today, but I tore it all up and then I threw it away!

And I almost had you, but I guess that doesn't cut it.  
Almost had you, and I didn't even know it.

You kept me guessing and now I'm destined, to spend my time missing you,  
And I almost had you!  
I almost wish you would've loved me too!"

The Rogues burst into applause and laughter. All of them were on at least their third drink, or eighth for the Joker.

The Mad Hatter gave a whimsical smile and jumped down from the stage. Casually, he sat next to Harley and put his arm around her back. Harley giggled giddily between him and Scarecrow.

Joker stopped dancing when he finally noticed the song had ended. "What? Oh, hey, who's next? Riddles?"

The Riddler turned from his conversation with the Penguin to look at Joker. "Please, I am not that stupid or drunken…"

Joker blinked taking a moment to register the Riddler's comment and moved one. "Hey, Johnny, give it a go! Johnny?"

Scarecrow's masked face appeared from under a table. "I'm afraid you'll have to come in on a study hall, the other professors and I are having a conference this morning…" He let out a large hiccup. "Oh, by the way, your thirteen page report on triskaidekaphobia is due on Friday, April thirteenth." His head then disappeared under the table with a thump.

Harley let out a giggle and toppled off her chair.

Joker raised a brow and cocked his head, dumbfounded. "Anyone else?"

"Me!" Croc quickly spurn up from his seat at the side of the stage. "I wanna turn!" He made his way in front of the stage to the jukebox.

He was cut short, though, by a hard whack over the head with the microphone and staggered back and forth. With a dim-witted grin, Croc collapsed to the floor.

"My turn, boys," Poison Ivy smirked, her hand on her hip, microphone twirling in the other.


	3. Poison Respect

**Part 3: Poison Respect**

"Yay, Red!" Harley clapped eagerly.

Vampyra, free from Joker's dancing, raised her half empty margarita in a salute to Ivy. Her other hand was clutching her spinning head. "Knock 'um dead, Pam!"

Ivy let out a seductive laugh. Her hyper-immune system evidently did not defend her against the five Apple Blossom drinks she had earlier.

A poppy rap tune started to play and a whistling catcall came, surprisingly, from Two-Face. He was grinning with a gin and tonic in his bad hand.

Poison Ivy shot him a look and began to sing in a second soprano

"One- Two- Three- Four  
I get really sick and tired of boys up in my face, pick up lines like "What's your sign" won't get you anyplace.  
When me and all my girls go walking down the street, it seems we can't go anywhere without a car that goes "Beep-beep".

Cuz this body is a priceless piece of loving unconditionally…  
So, Mr. Big-stuff, who you think you are?  
You were thinking you're gonna get it for free, now, now, now.

Hey ladies"

Harley and Vampyra cheered. "Yeah!"

"Let 'em know it ain't easy, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Let's come togeta'  
Sista's"  
"Yeah!"  
"Its time to be greedy, nothing good comes for free!

Mirror on the wall, damn I sure look fine! I can't blame those horny boys, I would make me mine…  
When I pass you in a club, "Ooh, lala!" you gasp. Back up boy, I ain't your toy, or your piece of ass."

Two-Face and Joker let out two more whistles.

"Cuz this body is a priceless piece of loving unconditionally.  
So, Mr. Big-stuff, who you think you are?  
You were thinking you're gonna get it for free, now, now, now

Hey ladies!"  
"Yeah!"  
"Let 'em know it ain't easy, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Let's come togeta'  
Sista's!"

"Yeah!" Vampyra and Harley smiled and jumped up on stage to dance with Ivy  
"Its time to be greedy, nothing good comes for free!

No jealousy, no envy girls, c'mon, let's work it out. No freebies in the limousine, that's not what it's about.  
Let 'em know there's work to do, give it up he won't call you. Respect is just a minimum, go on girl and get you some.

One- Two- Three- Four,

Hey ladies!"  
"Yeah!"  
Let 'em know it ain't easy, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Let's come togeta'  
Sista's!"  
"Yeah!"  
"It's time to be greedy, nothing good comes for free!

Let's come together, c'mon girls let's work it out.  
Let's come together, we'll show them what we're talking 'bout.  
Let's come together, nothing good comes for free!"

The bar roared. Even the reserved Riddler and Penguin were on their feet. A bottle of Wild Turkey was in the Penguin's flippered hand.

The femme fatale trio beamed and bowed, arm in arm. They looked picture prefect, an innocent blonde, a fiery redhead, and a calm and collected brunette.

They descended from the stage, Vampyra taking a seat next to the Joker, giving him a smug look. Harley took her spot between the Mad Hatter and the Scarecrow, who had regained consciousness, but was minus his burlap mask. Ivy, unexpectedly, passed her seat and placed herself primly on Two-Face's lap.

Two-Face's eyes went wide from surprise. If Ivy was so drunk she had forgotten their trouble, the he wasn't going to complain. After all, he was one of the lucky few to have the affection of a lady Rogue, even if it was just for that night.

"Aw, Pammy's made up with Harv!" the Joker cued from his seat.

Ivy shot Joker a deadly gaze. Maybe she was not as drunk as they thought.

Joker cringed. He still did not like to upset a woman that could strangle him with a mutant daisy. "Hey, Johnny! You're up!"


	4. Scarecrows Wanna Live

**Part 4: Scarecrows Wanna Live**

Scarecrow looked back at Joker. He was still a little out in the land of Oz. "Okay…" He made his was over to the jukebox and squinted at the song list.

He then scrambled up onto the stage. Looking up at the screen, Scarecrow had to hold onto the microphone for support.

A dramatic fiddling of violins came over the speaker along with a hip drum solo.

Scarecrow's head began to bob and he started to rap the lyrics.

"I need an alarm system in my house, so I know when people are creeping about.  
These people are freaking me out. It's getting hectic everywhere that I go.  
They wont leave me alone, there's things they all wanna know.  
I'm paranoid of all the people I meet, why are they talking to me?  
And why can't anyone see?

I just wanna live!  
Don't really care about the things that they say.  
Don't really care about what happens to me.  
I just wanna live!"

Vampyra and Harley lead the charge in pulling the Joker and Mad Hatter up, out of their seats to dance. Riddler was tapping his hand and swaying to the beat. The Penguin was continuing to down shots of Wild Turkey, now on his second bottle, and hummed along.

"I rock a law suit when I'm going to court, a white suit when I'm getting divorced.  
A black suit at the funeral home, and my birthday suit when I'm home alone,  
Talking on the phone, got an interview, with the Rolling Stone, they're saying,  
"Now you're rich and now you're famous, fake ass girls all know your name.  
And Arkham of the Rogues and villains, your first hit aren't you ashamed"  
Of the life, of the life, of the life you're living?

I just wanna live!  
Don't really care about the things that they say.  
Don't really care about what happens to me.  
I just wanna live!

Stop your messing around boy, better think of your future,  
Better make some good plans boy, said everyone of my teachers.  
Look out better play it safe, you'll never know what hard times will come your way.  
I say where I'm coming from, I've already seen the worst that life can bring.  
Now I get expect it everywhere that we go, all the things that they say,  
Yeah I already know.

I just wanna live!  
Don't really care about the things that they say.  
Don't really care about what happens to me.  
I just wanna live,  
I just wanna live!"

The song ended and Scarecrow gave and exhausted sigh and smirk. Once again, everyone was applauding. He made to step off the stage but fell flat on his face over the front of the stage.

"Jonathan!" Harley dove to pick up Scarecrow, who had taken his spill right in front of her. "Yah okay, Docta' Crane?"

Scarecrow looked at Harley. "I am now…" He gave a triumphant smile over Harley's shoulder at the Mad Hatter.

The Mad Hatter scowled and brandished his fists at Scarecrow. He watched as Harley let him sit in her chair.

Scarecrow stuck his tongue out at the mad Hatter when Harley had turned her back.

"Hey, now who's up?" Two-Face asked loudly his good arm wrapped around Ivy's waist, who was still positioned on his lap, a green-gloved arm behind his neck.

"It's my turn!" Croc was once again awake and alert. He had climbed up on stage before anyone could take the microphone.

"Ah, get off the stage, you big dinosaur!" Joker picked up the Penguin's empty bottle of Wild Turkey and chucked it in the direction of the stage.

"You guys don't wanna here me sing?" Croc asked in a melancholy voice.

"No!" everyone said in unison. An array of drink glasses and half-empty bottles flew at Croc.

Croc dove off the stage, away from the rain of shattering glass. "Fine! Err, be that way!"

"Hey, everybody!" Poison Ivy perked up from her seat on Two-Face's lap. "Harvey hasn't gone yet…" She said in a lightly devious tone.


	5. TwoFace's Nice Day

**Part 5: Two-Face's Nice Day**

"Oh no," Two-Face growled. "You're not getting' me on that stage!"

Joker smiled evilly. "Why don't you let chance decide, eh, Harv?"

Two-Face said nothing but reached his hand into his jacket to pull out his two-headed coin. With a flick of his bad thumb, the coin flipped in the air and landed back in his hand. "Good-heads…"

Poison Ivy gave a pleased smirk and got up to let Two-Face make his way to the jukebox. Two-Face flicked back and forth between two songs. Unable to choose, he flipped his coin again.

An up beat guitar solo strummed over the speakers and Two-Face grasped the microphone stand in his good hand, his white-suited good half tilted towards the waiting Rogues. Standing in his suit, he looked more like and Elvis than a super villain. His toe tapped to the acoustic guitar and when the word came up he sung in a prefect rock 'n' roll fashion.

"Why, you wanna tell me how to live my life? Who, are you to tell me if it's black or white?  
Mama, can you hear me? Try to understand. Is innocence the difference between a boy and a man?  
My daddy lived the lie, it's just the price that he paid, sacrificed his life, just slavin' away."

Everyon's jaw had dropped. Who would have thought that Two-Face could have such a good singing voice? Or perhaps it was Harvey Dent that could sing, being that it was his better side that held the microphone. No matter, their stares of amazement soon were lost to the Joker pulling people back into dancing.

"Oh, if there's one thing I hang onto, that gets me through the night.  
I ain't gonna do what I don't want to, I'm gonna live my life.  
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice, standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly.  
When the world gets in my face, I say, Have A Nice Day.  
Have A Nice Day.

Take a look around you; nothing's what it seems. We're living in the broken home of hopes and dreams,  
Let me be the first to shake a helping hand. Anybody brave enough to take a stand,  
I've knocked on every door, on every dead end street, looking for forgiveness,  
What's left to believe?"

Ivy was one of the few Rogues who were not dancing. She was standing in the same place since Two-Face had gotten up on stage. Instead of a usual stone expression, her face showed a child-like entrancement. Arched brows lightly raised and her head tilted in interest, Ivy's lips were parted innocently in awe.

"Oh, if there's one thing I hang onto, that gets me through the night.  
I ain't gonna do what I don't want to, I'm gonna live my life.  
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice, standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly.  
When the world gets in my face, I say, Have A Nice Day.  
Have A Nice Day."

A blazing guitar solo rattled the speakers. A smile broke across Ivy's face as Two-Face started to dance handsomely on stage. Before she knew it, Ivy was jumping up on stage to plant a full kiss on his lips.

When they broke, Two-Face stared at Ivy as if she had been lit on fire. Joker whistled and Vampyra and Harley were cheering along with the other Rogues. Two-Face gave an awkward half grin and slipped his free arm around Ivy's waist, continuing to sing with Ivy at his side.

"Oh, if there's one thing I hang onto, that gets me through the night.  
I ain't gonna do what I don't want to, I'm gonna live my life.  
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice, standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly.  
When the world gets in my face, I say, Have A Nice Day.  
Have A Nice Day.When the world keeps trying, to drag me down, I've gotta raise my hands, gonna stand my ground.  
Well I say, Have A Nice Day.  
Have A Nice Day!"

Two-Face and Ivy took a bow together. He dropped off the stage and offered to help Ivy down. Ivy smiled smugly and accepted.

Vampyra looked at Harley. As far as she knew Two-Face and Ivy hated each other. Were they both that drunk they did not remember?

Harley only gave Vampyra a puzzled shrug. It was good to see her with a smile on her face for once.

"Hey, Pam?" Vampyra pulled Ivy to the side. She was wearing a grin that would be found more likely on Harley. "You feeling alright?"

"Never better!" Ivy's eyelashes batted in a carelessly naive way and went off to join Two-Face at his table, kissing him again on the lips.

Vampyra raised her brow. At least Two-Face was not falling over poisoned. Perhaps Ivy really did not want to kill him, for that night at least.

Harley spun past Vampyra along with the Scarecrow as the Mad Hatter attempted to cut in.

"Hey Riddles!" Joker yelled from next to the table where Croc sat holding his head. "You drunk enough yet?"


	6. Mr Riddler

**Part 6: Mr. Riddler**

Riddler looked at the Joker and carelessly tossed his glass over his shoulder. "I think I just may be!"

"Well then what are yah waitin' for!" Joker exclaimed. "Get up there!"

Riddler tipped his bright green bowler hat over his eye and approached the karaoke machine. Slowly and deliberately, he flipped through the song list, stroking his bare chin in thought.

"Come on, Riddles!" Joker stamped his feet, "It's getting early!"

"What is a virtue which you lack?" Riddler replied.

"All of them!" Joker screamed at the top of his lungs.

Croc next to him clutched his head and fell over paralyzed from the massive trauma of the Joker's yelling and a five-vodka bottle hangover.

Riddler just shook his head and took the stage.

The sounds of a synthesizer began to play and the Rogues all looked at each other confused at what Riddler had chosen.

"Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto, Mata ahoo Hima de

Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto, Himitsu wo Shiri tai."

All the Rogues let out a cheer as they started to laugh and do the robot.

The techno music picked up and the Riddler continued in flawless unison with the music

"You're wondering who I am – secret, secret - I've got a secret.

Machine or mannequin – secret, secret - I've got a secret.

With parts made in Japan – secret, secret - I've got a secret.

I am the Modren Man!

I've got a secret, I've been hiding under my skin

My heart is human, my blood is boiling, my brain I.B.M.

So if you see me acting strangely, don't be surprised.

I'm just a man who needed someone, and somewhere to hide,

To keep me alive - just keep me alive

Somewhere to hide to keep me alive."

The Penguin was the last to join the thrall of Rogues dancing, making a wobbly attempt at the robot. Joker, on the other hand, looked like a disco John Travolta robot that had short-circuited.

"I'm not a robot without emotions - I'm not what you see

I've come to help you with your problems, so we can be free.

I'm not a Hero, I'm not a Saviour, forget what you know

I'm just a man whose circumstances went beyond his control.

Beyond my control - we all need control.

I need control - we all need control.

I am the Modren Man – secret, secret - I've got a secret

Who hides behind a mask – secret, secret - I've got a secret

So no one else can see – secret, secret - I've got a secret

My true identity!

Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto

Domo - Domo

Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto

Thank you very much, Mr. Roboto, for doing the jobs that nobody wants to

And thank you very much, Mr. Roboto, for helping me escape

Just when I needed to. Thank you, thank you, thank you,

I want to thank you, please, thank you."

Riddler was now moving with the rhythm, enjoying his time in the spot light.

"The problem's plain to see: Too much technology.

Machines to save our lives, machines de-humanize.

The time has come at last – secret, secret - I've got a secret

To throw away this mask – secret, secret - I've got a secret

Now everyone can see – secret, secret - I've got a secret

My true identity - I'm Kilroy, Kilroy!"

The Rogues were laughing and clapping for the Riddler as he took a bow.

"Alright you roughens!" Penguin declared from next to the jukebox. "It's time for a bit of real music!"

Everyone looked at each other, confused at what exactly the Penguin meant by "real music". Vampyra gave Joker a questioning look that was only answered by a bewildered shrug.

Penguin took the stage. All eyes were on him, anxious at what he would sing.

Classical operatic music began to play and the Penguin started to wail like a dying bird.

"Ah!" Everyone cover their ears and threw whatever was in arms reach at the stage. Bottles and glasses and even chairs shattered against the curtained wall behind the Penguin.

The Penguin had dove behind the safety of his umbrella on stage as half empty glasses pelted the other side of it. "You fools! Have you no taste for true music?" he yelled over the crashing wood and glass.

"Get off the stage, Penguin!" Two-Face yelled in response.

"Yeah!" was the chorus of agreement.

"You sound like a drowning turkey!" Joker hollered, throwing Vampyra's margarita glass.

"Fine!" Penguin screamed. When the rain of bottles stopped, Penguin calmly closed his umbrella and straightened his top hat. With as much dignity as he could muster, he walked off the stage.

Vampyra watched the Penguin stalk off to sulk in a corner with a bottle of rum. Most of the Rogues were well past what any normal person would call drunk. Scarecrow was running around with the Mad Hatter's top hat on his head while Harley was in tears from giggling. Two-Face and Ivy seemed to be off in their own little world as they watched Scarecrow jump onto a table, eluding an infuriated Mad Hatter.

"V!" Joker yelled. He could no longer tell the difference between and normal speech. He was chuckling to himself watching everyone.

"What?" Vampyra looked innocently at him.

"What do you mean "What?"? Get up there!" Joker looked outraged.

Vampyra raised her thin eyebrows and folded her arms, a Mudslide in her hand. "What about you?"

Joker looked taken aback. "Uh, well… You go and I will!" Joker smiled. "I'm saving the best for last!" He let out a hysterical laugh.


	7. Vampyra's Sin

**Part 7: Vampyra's Sin**

Vampyra shrugged. At least she still had some of her wits about her. "Fine," she downed almost the whole of her drink and strutted over to the jukebox.

She quickly found the song she wanted and took her place on stage. In her black tube dress and knee-high go-go boots, she looked more like a club dancer than a criminal.

"It's time for an "original" classic, if you ask me…" She said just to make sure every eye was on her.

A single howling guitar solo played and silenced. A dark dramatic piano beaten and Vampyra's first soprano voice came low and seductive.

"I've been looking for an original sin, one with a twist and a bit of a spin.  
And since I've done all the old ones 'till they've all been done in.  
Now I'm just looking, then I'm gone with the wind, endlessly searching for an original sin..."

The guitar blared and the beat of the drums picked up. Vampyra started to dance, to the excitement of the men. Ivy and Harley looked slightly annoyed with the change in attention.

"You can dance forever, you've got a fire in your feet  
But will it ever be enough? You know that it'll never be enough.

You can fly and never land and never need to sleep  
But will it ever be enough? You know that it'll never be enough.

It's not enough to make the nightmares go away.  
It's not enough to make the tears run dry.  
It's not enough to live a little better every day  
Everything that they taught us, was nothing but lies.  
Everything that they brought us, was nothing but bribes.  
But the lies are over now.  
All I wanted was a piece of the night, I never got an equal share,  
When the stars are out of sight, and the moon is down.  
The natives are so restless tonight!

I've been looking for an original sin, one with a twist and a bit of a spin.  
And since I've done all the old ones 'till they've all been done in.  
Now I'm just looking, then I'm gone with the wind, endlessly searching for an original sin."

Vampyra pulled the microphone from its stand and flipped head over heels onto the Riddler's table without missing a note. Riddler was in shock by the unexpected move, as well as the other Rogues whose tables became the stage for Vampyra also.

"You can lose yourself in pleasure 'till your body's going numb.  
But will it ever be enough? You know that it'll never be enough.

You can always take whatever you conceivably could want.  
But will it ever be enough? You know that it'll never be enough.

It's not enough to make the nightmares go away.  
It's not enough to make the tears run dry.  
It's not enough to live a little better every day.  
Everything that they taught us, was nothing but lies.  
Everything that the brought us, was nothing but bribes.  
But the lies are over now.  
All I wanted was a piece of the night, it never had to get so dark,  
When the stars are out of sight, and the moon is down.  
The natives are so restless tonight!"

Vampyra had table jumped across the room, a wide grin across her face. She landed on her and the Joker's table. Playfully, she wrapped the microphone cord around the Joker's neck.

Joker went stiff as a board, a broad smile plastered on face. With his tongue hanging out, he keeled over with a loud flat thud onto the floor.

Vampyra raised a brow and swung the microphone back into her hand.

"I've been looking for an original sin, one with a twist and a bit of a spin.  
And since I've done all the old ones 'till they've all been done in.  
Now I'm just looking, then I'm gone with the wind, endlessly searching for an original sin.

I've been looking for the ultimate crime, infinite victims, infinitesimal time.  
And I'm so very guilty for no reason or rhyme,  
So now I'm just looking and I'm killing some time, endlessly searching for the ultimate crime

I've been looking for an original sin, one with a twist and a bit of a spin.  
And since I've done all the old ones 'till they've all been done in.  
Now I'm just looking, then I'm gone with the wind, endlessly searching for an original sin..."

Vampyra cartwheeled up to the stage. All the Rogues watched, wide eyed. The music faded and the piano took its place for the end on the song, slow and dark.

"I'm applying for a license to thrill.  
Going out on the edge, moving in for the kill.  
And there'll be hell to pay someday, so put it all on the bill.  
'Cause we'll always be paying, and paying until,  
We're beyond expiration, with a license to thrill…"

The song ended with a low note. Vampyra looked anxiously around. The room was silent. It appeared everyone was in shock. The men were staring at her, jaws to the floor.

Vampyra blushed and scuffed her feet on the floor. "Don't everyone speak up at once," she said in awkward sarcasm.

"Yay, V!" Harley shouted and the rest followed with applause.

Vampyra beamed and took a bow. Her boot caught on her opposite ankle and she tumbled off the stage.

"Are you alright?" Riddler asked, surprised by Vampyra landing into his lap. A be-mused smile was on his face.

"Yeah," Vampyra gave a warm fanged smile and was pulled herself onto her feet like a puppet on magic strings.

Riddler blushed. He was never used to attention from the opposite gender.

"Where's J?" Vampyra commented loudly.


	8. Rich Joker

**Chapter 8: Rich Joker**

The Rogues looked at each other and shrugged. They could care less where the Joker had disappeared.

An ear-splitting whistle brought out screams of pain as everyone covered their ears in vain. Growing hangovers turned to skull cracking migraines and heads spun as they searched for the culprit.

"Okay, kiddos!" Joker cried from on stage. His grin was as wide as ever and his eyes blazed with glee.

"What on earth-" Two-Face began and stopped, speechless and staring at the Joker.

"-Are you wearing?" Riddler finished, a look of appall across his face.

An outburst of laughter sent Scarecrow to the floor. He clutched his stomach as he rolled about in uncontrollable fits, tears in his eyes.

All the Rogues simultaneously cracked into laughter. Even Ivy and Penguin were snickering and pointing at the Joker.

"You don't like it?" Joker looked down at himself. His purpled jacket had been wrapped around his waist in a makeshift sarong. The sleeves of his orange shirt were pushed up showing chalk white arms. From out of nowhere, he was wearing a vivid green grass skirt and a lea that clashed neon blue and pink around his neck. Atop his head, a fruit –covered headdress rested, outlined with strings of Madri Gras beads The whole appearance made him look like a Hawaiian, hula-dancing buffoon.

Joker's smile did not fade it was broad and cheerful. He loved being a comic and seeing other turn into raving lunatics with laughter. "Hit it, Harls!"

Harley was posing like a game show girl and dramatically hit the play button on the jukebox with a finger.

"Na-na-na-na-na-na-nah," a rhythmic woman's voice came with a trendy tune and tambourine. Joker was swaying to the beat, imitating a hula dancer.

All the Rogues were grinning. Many of them wished for cameras, or any proof to use as blackmail and humiliation against the Joker.

"If I was a Rich Girl, Na-na-na-na-na-na-nah.  
See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl.  
No Bat could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end,  
Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl.

Think what that money could bring, I'd buy everything,  
Clean out Veronica Vreeland, as my Arkham Rogue clown.  
No, wouldn't just have one hood, a Wayne Manor if I could.  
Please book me first class to my fancy house in Gotham town.

All the riches baby, won't mean anything.  
All the riches baby, bring what your love can bring.  
All the riches baby, won't mean anything.  
Don't need no other baby, your lovin' is better than gold and I know."

Everyone egged the Joker on, wide smiles spread willingly across their faces. Far be it from any of them to stop the Joker's drunken performance.

"If I was a rich girl, Na-na-na-na-na-na-nah.  
See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl.  
No Bat could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end,  
Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl.

I'd get me four Super-Villain girls to,

Inspire me and they'd come to my rescue.  
I'd dress them wicked, I'd give them names,  
V, Ivy, Catty, Harley, hurry up and come and save me."

Harley and Vampyra looked delighted at the mention of their names. Ivy, however, looked offended by the idea of being teamed with the Joker.

"All the riches baby, won't mean anything.  
All the riches baby, bring what your love can bring.  
All the riches baby, won't mean anything.  
Don't need no other baby, your lovin' is better than gold and I know."

The lyrics changed and suddenly Joker was rapping as if he just walked out of the ghettos of Gotham.

"Come together all over the world,  
From the hoods to Arkham, Super-Villain girls.  
What? It's all love. What? Give it up.  
What? Shouldn't matter. What?  
Come together all over the world.  
From the hood to Arkham, Super-Villain girls.  
What? It's all the love. What? Give it up.  
What? Shouldn't matter.  
What happened to my life? Turned up side down.  
Chicks dat blew ya mind, ding, it's the second round.  
Original track and ting, hmm, you know you can't buy these things, no!  
See Joker and his gang, I rock the fetish, people you know who I am.

Yes Bats, we got the style that's wicked, I hope you can all keep up.  
We climbed all the way from the bottom to the top.  
Now we ain't gettin' nothing but love.

If I was a rich girl, Na-na-na-na-na-na-nah.  
See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl.  
No Bat could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end.  
Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl!"

The song ended with thunderous applause. Tears were welling in eyes from laugher and side-stitches had reopened.

Joker was bowing overdramatically on the stage.

Vampyra shook her head and wiped a tear away from her indigo eye. She looked over the bar at the clock. It read four thirty in the morning. Time to run before trouble showed up.

Riddler and Penguin were the first to lead the smashed charge out of the front door. Both were using their cane, or umbrella, for more support than usual.

Killer Croc was the next to stumble out. His eyes were dilated and he held his head as if it would pop off at any second.

Two-Face and Ivy followed. His good hand rested on her hip, the good side of his face baring an exhausted smirk. Ivy's head was on his shoulder, using his frame to hold herself upright.

Harley came out giggling. She was still bubbling with the energy of a schoolgirl. On her one side was the Mad Hatter, who wrapped his hand around the other side of her waist. The Scarecrow was on the opposite side of Harley, arm wound around her empty hip.

Both men smiled as Harley threw her arms around each of their shoulders. She planted a black lipstick kiss on the Scarecrow's cheek.

Scarecrow shot a victorious look behind Harley's jester head. Mad Hatter scowled back until Harley turned and planted another kiss on his own cheek.

Joker and Vampyra were the last to walk out. "You know, V, I'd like to thank you," Joker remarked, arm around Vampyra's shoulders for support.

"For what?" Vampyra scoffed under the Joker's weight, surprised he would thank her for anything

"Why for the perfect blackmail, of course!" Joker held up a security tape in his vacant hand.

Vampyra's face dropped and she could not help but laugh evilly at the prospect of humiliating all of the Rogues. She did not care if she was on there and neither did that Joker and his singing.

"Freeze!" dozens of headlights turned on and the Arkham Rogues froze on the sidewalk, blinded.

Over twenty cop cars surrounded the entrance to the karaoke bar. Their occupants were crouched behind opened doors, guns raised and ready to fire.

"You're all under arrest," Commissioner Gordon said from the center of the police cars. Behind him in the shadow stood Batman.

The Rogues dumbly raised their hand above their head too wasted for further thoughts of escape.

Batman watched one by one, as each Rogue was cuffed and herded into the police van to be returned to Arkham. Then he noticed a black object on the sidewalk in the glow of the police lights.

Batman advanced and removed the object from its place on the concrete, videotape. Calmly, he placed the tape into his belt and faded into the shadow of an alley.


	9. Gotham's Funniest Home Videos

**Chapter 9: Gotham's Funniest Home Videos**

"Bruce?" Dick Grayson asked, concerned, as he stepped down the staircase into the Batcave. "What's so funny?"

Bruce Wayne was reclining in the chair to the Batcomputer. He was still in full costume save for his cape and cowl that had been set off to the side of the computer. His face was red from laughing, a grin across his face, and a tear growing in the corner of his eye.

"Holy karaoke, Batman!" Dick's face dropped.

On the huge screen of the Batcomputer was the image of Harley Quinn singing.

"Where did you find this?" Dick asked, pulling up a chair.

Bruce composed himself enough to reply, "On the sidewalk outside the karaoke bar."

The video continued to show Croc being out done by the Mad Hatter singing "Almost" and the Joker swinging Vampyra about like a rag doll. When the song was over, Bruce and Dick could not help but double over by Croc being knocked out by Ivy's swinging the microphone to sing "Respect".

"Master Bruce?" came the voice of Alfred, breaking through the laughter as Ivy, Harley and Vampyra were dancing on the Batcomputer.

"Alfred," Bruce turned to his old friend. "You have to see this!"

"Is that Professor Crane?" Alfred asked, looking at the Scarecrow stumbled up to the stage.

"It's all of them," Dick looked at Alfred, cheeks flushed.

Alfred raised a brow, "I'll get the popcorn…" He shortly returned with a bowl of popcorn and sodas. The screen had changed to Two-Face singing onstage with Poison Ivy at his hip. "Did I miss anything?"

"You missed Killer Croc being booed off the stage." Dick replied talking the popcorn.

The three continued to watch as the Riddler took the stage to sing "Mr. Roboto".

"Figures," Dick commented.

"I didn't know he could sing…" Alfred stated.

"Look at the Joker," Bruce pointed at the Joker who was attempting to do the Robot.

"One would think he stuck his finger in an electric socket," Alfred said evenly.

At this they all burst into hysterics.

"Shh!" Dick said as the Penguin was about to get on stage. "This is gonna be good."

They watched as the Penguin was pelted by glass and took refuge behind his umbrella.

Bruce was nearly falling out of his chair. It had been a long time since he had laughed this hard.

"Sir!" Alfred pointed to the screen. Vampyra was on stage.

The three men stared as Vampyra sang, cart wheeled and flipped around the bar.

"Wow, Bruce," Dick said when Vampyra's performance ended, "You sure had good taste."

Bruce looked shocked. "Yeah…" he said faintly, "Justly what I need, an insane, homicidal Rockette."

A loud whistle came over the computer.

"What the?" Dick said.

The picture of the Joker in full hula ensemble appeared on screen.

"Why doesn't this surprise me?" Bruce asked.

By the end of the tape, they all were nearly blue in the face. Bruce reached up to stop the tape and slumped back in his seat.

"You know," Dick sighed, "I have the perfect place for this…"

* * *

The Rec. room of Arkham was silent. The Scarecrow and Mad Hatter had resumed their usual game of chess. Both holding ice packs to their heads as theirfree hands moved the pieces. At the table, Riddler, Penguin and Two-Face were sharing a pot of black coffee as Ivy was sipping tea. Harley was laying across the couch a sleeping mask over her eyes. The Joker was sitting with Harley's legs over his lap, a large pair of sunglasses over his syes as he reclined with his hands behind his head. Vampyra lounged in a corner reading.

Joker was watching the television quietly. His hangover was too large to provoke with loud noise. However, his reached for the remote as the title of his favorite show came on.

"-Tonight on Gotham's Funniest Home Videos, a special edition with never before seen footage of some of Gotham's most feared villains, in a way never before seen by the common eye. Let's take a look…"

The screen pulled up the footage of Harley, and the Joker let out a high pitched scream that pulled all the rooms occupants eyes to him and the television.

"Hey," Two-Face growled, "That's us!"

Joker looked around as all the Rogues began to rise slowly from their seats. "Now, now kiddies," he let out a fickle laugh, "It was all in good humor…" He stood to retreat from the advancing mob. "Guys?"

His screams echoed throughout the halls of Arkham.


End file.
